The Issue of Company Names

Picture this: There’s a long table stretching the whole length of the room. Leather swivel chairs with tall cushioned backs are planted within exactly seven inches of each other. In each seat there is a dignified man or woman with the finest business outfit on and the most smug expression. As for the men, they stroke the perfectly shaven stubble that sprinkles their chin. And as for the women, they simply stare and drum their fingers on the rich mahogany of the table. At the farthest end, there is the boss chewing on the butt of a cigar and puffing tobacco-ridden fumes; his chair is tallest so as to present the most formidable appearance possible. All eyes are latched onto the boss who is basking in the attention. Screwing his face into one of sudden annoyance and impatience, he barks, “I want to hear this pitch! And I want to hear it now!!!” The smoke from his cigar curls around his ears, giving off an impression appropriate of his temper. One man springs to his feet, briefcase in hand. Still stroking his goatee, he clears his throat and begins, “I know how you like wordplay, sir, so all of us,” —the man then motions to everyone in the room— “came up with this….” The man pulls a large board from his briefcase. It reads Bubble Yum. “Get it,” the man brightens. “You know, our bubblegum is yummy…. So, like, instead of bubblegum, it’s Bubble Yum. Clever, isn’t it?” The boss nods approvingly, easing in his seat, adding, “I like it, random employee of mine. I like it. I want a clever jingle along with that. Something like…‘Yum it up!’ Something like that.”

It’s humorous to imagine the rich and successful people behind these childish names and jingles. It’s almost impossible for the mind to not conjure the most hilarious pictures and re-enactments. But that’s not the point. The point is: why the ridiculousness in the names?

There are some names that make sense. For example, there is Subway: Eat Fresh (they have subs their way, and it tastes pretty fresh), Lucky Charms: They’re Magically Delicious (they are cereal bites granted by a leprechaun, therefore lucky, and they truly are delicious in a magical way), Nike: Just Do It (Nike is the Greek goddess of victory, and the slogan is motivational which suits the theme of the company). People can understand those. Everything correlates. Everything fits.

Then there are others that leave me scatching my head, which in turn messes up my hairdo. Companies such as Apple (like why? What does fruit have to do with a genius technology company? Was Steve Jobs on a fruit diet or something and…oh wait, he was…oh….), Yahoo! (the word “yahoo” means a boorish, crass, or stupid person), Firefox (the internet browser is named after a fox on fire…. That sounds more brutal than anything….). In these cases, nothing correlates. Nothing fits.

The reason I bring all this to light is to point out something you’ve likely never thought about. What thought have I thought that you’ve never thought? You may be asking yourself this question. If so, my thought would be in response to your thought, thinking that you should think thoughts with less repition of the word thought in them. Bet you didn’t think of that!

As to my second thought, it actually pertains to everything else above. Why the ridiculousness? It’s because of the gameplan of the rich class. They believe that if they gradually slip in this rubbish it will fool and ultimately mentally degrade us. That’d put them in charge of the world. Really, this whole trouble with jingles and company names is a social issue.

Think about it. Eventually, we’re going to become so deceived by all of this wackiness that it will alter our perception of reality. Over time we are going to convince ourselves that apples don’t even grow on trees, because iPhones and laptops don’t grow on trees! We are going to lose our idea of spelling from companies like Cheez-it, Froot Loops, Flickr, and the list goes on. We shall be at the mercy of the rich class for order. This is no ridiculousness, this is a grand scheme.

With this in mind, be wary of supporting companies that have “ridiculous” names. They may be endeavoring to wipe away your cognitive functions. Be careful. Support companies like Petco. They have a straightforward name, not perplexing in the least. If you don’t have a pet, who cares? It’s for the cause of the future.

Food for thought.

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