Doors and How They Think (with POEM)

Have you ever had a door shut in your face? Or perhaps, ON your face? At the time, you might have thought that it was the fault of the person that slammed the door in/on your face or that the wind simply slammed it shut. This is far from the truth. As it happens, doors are highly discriminatory, and dislike people with long names, or that have an extensive and complicated lineage. This point is further illustrated in the following poem:

Higgeldy-piggeldy went to the store

He didn’t get far

His tail stuck in the door

He screamed and he screamed

But he couldn’t get out

He was dying of thirst

His mouth parched in the drought

He was not a Crow

Nor a Foul nor a parrot

He was not a Stoat

Nor an Owl nor a Ferret

His dad was a pig

And his mom was a goat

They fell in love young

And eloped on a boat

Higgeldy-piggeldy was born three years later

Half pig and half goat

He became a fur trader

He traveled the world

Then settled in Cali

He made so much money

The amount couldn’t be tallied

Higgeldy-piggeldy, half pig and half goat

Stuck in the door

It started to rain and he started to float

He quenched all his thirst

And was known as the first

He drank till he was bloat

Half pig and half goat.

Now, this poem might seem like it is describing an individual named Higgeldy-piggeldy. This is

only a part of it. Throughout the whole poem, two things are present:

  1. Higgeldy-piggeldy
  2. The door.

The poem fails to mention that a half-pig half-goat has no way of opening or closing a door, because of his lack of opposable thumbs. In fact, he has no thumbs at all! Not even non-opposing ones! Using reasoning, we see that the door acted of it’s own accord, and that it slammed itself on poor Higgeldy-piggeldy’s tail. Why did it do this? Was Higgeldy-Piggeldy mean to it? Did he, perhaps, decide not to use primer when he painted it? No. The only thing that Higgeldy-piggeldy ever did to that deranged door was have a long name, and have a family with a long and complicated lineage. Well, technically he became a fur trader and became rich as well, but the only thing he ever did to offend the door, was to have a long name and family tree.

The old proverb that says “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out” was warning us of this kind of discrimination. We must be careful around doors and their twisted ways of thinking.

As always, and until next time: Food for thought.

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