Bananas vs Apples

People think too much about serious things, like politics and the deaths of Norwegian whales. So that’s why I’m going to be talking about something less significant, but at the same time, just as serious.

Are bananas better than apples? I don’t know. So I’m gonna ask fellow blog author, Michael, what he thinks.

BLAKE (Me): So Michael, are bananas or apples better? And why?

MICHAEL: Thanks for asking, Blake! I believe that apples are far better than bananas, from casualties alone. In the year 400 AD, for example, only 3 people died from apples – in fact, the apple tree prevented a Lebanese revolution from occurring and taking many more lives (ask me for more details later). However, in the year 567 AD, over 3200 people died from the banana fruit in Africa alone! 2/3 of these causalities came from slipping accidents, and the rest from random events such as being pelted with bananas as punishment for petty crimes, food poisoning, and over-consumption.

From causalities alone, therefore, we can conclude that apples are far better than bananas. I haven’t even mentioned taste and texture and crunchability, which are far superior in apples. Apples deliver a more defined crunch, due to their texture, and produce an accented flavor. Bananas, on the other hand, are slimy, taste rather plain, and certainly don’t crunch like toast.

The apple fulfills all these requirements, as well as not being necessarily lethal, which is why I would consider it far better than the banana.

BLAKE: Fascinating! But I think someone has to defend bananas, so I will. You talked about apples having a more defined crunch. Though this can make for a pleasant bite, it can actually be quite catastrophic. In 23 AD, 5300 people lost their front teeth while eating an apple. And if you ask their souls, who still look back and flush with embarrassment, they would say they would have rather had the apple be poisonous than have had to live life without their front teeth. It became such a burden to eat for all those people that they gave up, and they died without their front teeth. All of them. Apples ended up being banned from society for hundreds of years. Also, those 3 people who died from apples in 400 AD were discovered to have been farming them illegally.

I think using taste for your argument is unreliable because that’s a personal opinion. So with that said, bananas are safer than apples. Because if you do the math, apples have caused more deaths than bananas.

MICHAEL: I see your point, but realize that one of the problems we have stumbled across in our “debate” was that we didn’t define what “better” means when referring to apples and bananas. I said that apples cause the least casualties and taste better, and thus we have arrived at a place in which we assume that “better” means “safer.” If we are talking strictly safety-wise, then I would have to say that apples may not, after all, fall into this category, as they are more rigid and prone to be used as weapons. On the other hand, while bananas may cause many people to die, they do so passively and without much violence. You bring up a good point – in 23 AD there were a group of people who bit into the wrong apples, you could say, and lost their front teeth, and thus, their will to live. This is more so an issue with human psychology than it is with apples themselves. Additionally, this certain strain of apples has since been discontinued and is grown only on the shores of Madagascar’s neighboring islands, obtainable only by the black market. Let me just say that humans have come a long way since 23 AD.

However, in regards to safety, I must still give way: apples have a history of being used as weapons far more than bananas, so this in and of itself is the strongest arguments against apple safety. I realize I’m actually contradicting what I said earlier about thinking that apples are safer – but in weighing the evidence, I’ve actually changed my mind. I still enjoy eating apples far more than I do bananas.

BLAKE: True. Also, I’m surprised that you changed your mind. But have humans really come a long way since 23 AD? Maybe with technology, but with psychologically have we been progressing? Food for thought. Okay, back to bananas. I took a poll and 80% of the people I asked said that they liked bananas better. Bananas are also healthier than apples. Google it if you don’t believe me.

MICHAEL: I would certainly say that humans have not psychologically progressed, as it relates to intellect. But in terms of knowledge, we most certainly have. Technology creates the impression that humans have advanced intellectually, but really, they have been building upon the shoulders of other intellectuals, and have thus gathered more knowledge than the previous generation, and have thus arrived at the place we are today. The difference? Increased knowledge, not increased cognition.

Well, I would say that just because many people seem to like bananas doesn’t necessarily mean they are better. But perhaps they are! In any case, asking these questions has landed us on some thought-provoking material. Even if we don’t arrive at an answer, it was worth asking.

BLAKE
: Some very intriguing thoughts, Michael. Thank you so much for taking the time to type! Hopefully, we can do this again soon.So in this discussion, we have come to the conclusion that bananas are better (by “better” we mean safer) than apples, and that the human race has increased knowledge but not increased in cognition.

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